Birth Parents

74 Year-Old Adoptee Advocates for Open Records

From my oldest memory I always knew that I was adopted and never hid that fact. I grew up Brooklyn, graduated from Bernard M Baruch College, got married, and had two children. I was never very interested in finding out more about my adoption, but my wife and children asked me from time to time. Then about 5 years ago I was going through some old papers and came across the legal adoption papers as filed with the court. That triggered my search. The agency I was adopted through was Louise Wise, which no longer exists, and I was referred to Spence-Chapin.  I contacted Spence-Chapin and after filling out the necessary paperwork I was contacted by one of their social workers. Needless to say, I was extremely anxious to get the info. She gave me much information that I had never known and I found it very interesting. But when pressed for additional information I was told that she could not reveal anything more as she was bound by law. I told her that was archaic and ridiculous considering the current state of adoption. She agreed and told me that was it. Subsequently I tried to coordinate the information that she had given me with the US Census for 1940, but that became a huge project. I have shared my current journey with my family – wife, daughters, and 7 grandchildren.  They are all interested in finding out about this part of my life… their lives.

As suggested by Spence-Chapin, I sent an email to the New York State senate, asking them to oppose Bill A2901a that prevents adoptees from receiving their original birth certificates:

Dear Senator,  I have also written to you via the senate general email.

The essence of my email is that I am asking that this proposed law be changed to the original.  As presented currently A2901A will forever close the Door on my search for complete information on my adoption.  

I am 74 years old and recently (5+ years ago) came upon my formal legal adoption papers while going through my mother's papers.

This triggered my search and with the help of Spence-Chapin learned as much about my family history as was permitted under the current law.  I was hoping that before long that the law would be changed so that I could complete the search, not only for myself but for my wife, daughters, and seven grandchildren.

I do not understand the logic behind this amendment.  Having a Judge decide with all of the pre-conditions is a sure way of preventing many people who are in search of information. 

I have never written about any piece of legislation till now.

If I could make one statement to the Legislator it would be, "walk in my shoes as well as let the sunlight in."

Paul Pruzan (Birth Name: David Cohen, born August 29, 1940)

A Day in the Life: Interim Care Provider

From the moment she gets a call from Spence-Chapin about a newborn coming into care, Carmela Grabowski goes into mommy mode. "I put fresh linens on the bassinet, clean the car seat, make formula, sterilize the pacifiers, change out all the diapers from size 2 to 1, and sort the clothes depending on the season and the gender of the baby."

Carmela has been an interim care provider with Spence-Chapin since 2009, and has cared for 32 infants. This wife and mother of a 21-year-old son and a 19-year-old daughter, both adopted, gives us a sneak peak of life as an interim child care provider. "I start my day around 6:00am with a feeding, changing the baby's diaper. Baby is back down for a nap, and I then clean up the house, do laundry and shower. Around 9:00am, I give her/him the second bottle. I keep the baby up for about an hour-- swinging, playing, cuddling when it's down for a nap number 2. I take this time to work in my private office ‘til noon, and then I start making lunch for my husband and daughter. If it's a day when the baby has a doctor's appointment or a visit with her birth parents, we get on the road around 9:15am.

“In the afternoon, when I prepare dinner, the baby is in the swing keeping me company in the kitchen. By 6:00pm, the family sits down together for dinner and everyone takes turns interacting with the baby while we eat. At 8:00pm, it's 'Bath-Bottle-Bed. I usually stay awake until midnight, waiting for the baby's next feeding, and of course, some more cuddling. Then, I'm up every 3-4 hours for late night feedings and diaper changes.”

"I'd tell anyone who wants to do this [interim care], that you have to understand that it takes up a lot of time and a lot of work. But, it's most rewarding. You just get so much out of it. Adoptive parents often keep in touch. I keep a photo album with all the pictures they send me of the babies I've cared for. It's the best thing I've ever done.

 

Spence-Chapin's Interim Child Care Program is one of the last of its kind.  It began over 70 years ago as a valuable service for birth parents by giving them time after delivery - free from pressure - to make a decision about their child's future.

Experienced care providers, supervised by our child care department, look after the babies in their home for several days or weeks after hospital discharge. Birth parents retain their legal rights and can visit their babies during this period.  Spence-Chapin's board-certified pediatricians examine all infants in our care after hospital discharge; give them regular exams during their stay; and perform a discharge exam on the day they leave to go home.

You can learn more by visiting our website.

Obama's for Same-Sex Marriage, but what's next?

Almost two weeks ago, President Obama shared his firm position on Same-Sex Marriage in America. He’s for it. A number of publications lauded his efforts to take a clear stance on the hot-button issue, but once his statement was made, many questions followed. How and when will the rest of country follow suit with the president’s perspective? What protections and rights will same-sex couples have as opposed to married couples?  Must we signify a difference between same-sex marriages and heterosexual ones?

Of course, at Spence-Chapin we’re wondering what this means for our LGBT couples who want to adopt children.

Less than a year ago, New York State passed the Marriage Equality Act to legalize same-sex marriages within the state. New Jersey has granted Civil Unions to same-sex couples since 2006, granting them the same legal rights as heterosexual married couples while still reserving title of “marriage."  As the way of LGBT Marriage, the tolerance of LGBT adoption is also considered a State’s right, allowing any state in the union the power to ban LGBT couples from adopting.

Thankfully, New York and New Jersey are not among those states against LGBT adoption, and, in fact, both states make it explicitly legal in their constitutions. (States that ban LGBT adoption: Utah, Alabama, Michigan, Wisconsin, and Ohio) However, there are still children around the nation, and the globe, who cannot be adopted by loving parents simply because of sexual orientation.

In 2007 the Williams Institute reported that only 65,000 children have been adopted by same-sex couples, yet an Urban Institute report claims that almost 2 million LGBT couples are interested in adopting. 2 million couples! Imagine all of the loving homes that could be provided for children in need.

Yet, that isn’t the reality, and prejudices that keep capable, loving couples from adopting still exist. But here’s the truth of the matter: after factoring in data on education, employment, home-ownership, and residential stability from the 2000 census, federal reporters concluded “same-sex couples present many of the positive qualities that would create a suitable home for children in need of being adopted. …review of past research finds no notable differences between children in heterosexual parent households and those in lesbian and gay parent households.” Clearly, many couples have the desire and the capability to properly care for children who need them; yet restrictive laws still remain for the sake of state’s rights and intolerance.

Over America’s 235-year history, we’ve battled different forms of discrimination many times in many different ways. However, one thing has remained the same; we’ve always come out the better for it. Americans ended slavery, gained women’s suffrage, protected laborers, legalized interracial marriages, and so much more. Why would we ever want to step backwards?

So what do you think? Do LGBT couples need federal protections? Was Obama’s statement effective? What’s next for LGBT families?