Resource Library

For Birth Parents and Prospective Parents

James Gritter, a social worker who was a pioneer in the transition from closed to open adoptions, gathers the stories of seventeen couples who tell of their experience with open adoption, ranging from occasional contact, to sharing the birth experience, and their lives beyond.  While each relationship has its unique qualities there are also many common threads in these emotion-filled and often complex family stories.  Published 20 years ago, this book still has relevance for families today.

Written in the early days of open adoption, this sequel to the original Dear Birthmother provided information about families where there was some direct contact between members of the birth and adoptive families.  Again using personal accounts and letters, the primary focus was on the effect of open adoption on the children.  Looking at a range of issues from infancy through the teen years, the authors conclude with a chapter detailing the long-term benefits of open adoption for all members of the triad.

The 3rd revision of this open adoption classic reflects current adoption practices and begins by dispelling some long-held myths.  Using personal accounts and sample letters exchanged between adoptive family members and birthparent family members, the book provides a rich picture of each member of the adoption triad's feelings and experiences as their relationships evolve over time.  The authors include specific strategies and practical suggestions as they make a strong case for open adoption throughout.

An up-to-date, informative and enlightening book about why child-centered open adoption makes so much sense.  Micky Duxbury is an adoption educator, therapist and adoptive parent.  She presents the stories of families who are living in open adoptions, giving readers an insiders' view of the open adoption experience, its rewards, challenges and complexity.

Based on in-depth interviews, this book profiles a diverse group of men "who have fathered a child whom they are not parenting" including, but not only, through adoption.  Common issues emerge in their often painful stories: grief, regret and shame, damage to self-esteem and subsequent relationships, and lasting feelings for the child.  Besides the emotional cost to the birthfather, Mason also examines the impact of shutting out birthfathers on adoptive parents and children.

For "every parent-to-be who is not positive that this is the time to parent," this book presents the issues to take into account when considering adoption as an option: making the decision, selecting adoptive parents, the birth, placement ceremonies, the natural grieving process, planning for the future, and building open adoption relationships.  It also addresses the emotional issues that are likely to arise and how counseling is useful.  Use of birthparent interviews adds depth to the understanding of the birthparents' experience.

The stories of families (including the author's) who explored options other than raising their child with a disability.  Offers information and guidance about the issues involved for those who may face this decision as well as to the professionals who will be providing care and support to these birthparents.  Topics include making decisions, finding support, dealing with family issues, finalizing an adoption plan and living with the decision.  Also helpful for prospective adoptive parents to understand these birthparents' experiences.

The stories of families (including the author's) who explored options other than raising their child with a disability.  Offers information and guidance about the issues involved for those who may face this decision as well as to the professionals who will be providing care and support to these birthparents.  Topics include making decisions, finding support, dealing with family issues, finalizing an adoption plan and living with the decision.  Also helpful for prospective adoptive parents to understand these birthparents' experiences.

This thorough and practical guide will "help demystify open adoption from the initial preparation, to placement and the adjustments of the first year, through the challenges of adolescence.  Also offers a detailed discussion of the many advantages of open adoption, as well as the common problems, helping adoptive and birth families to know what to expect as the relationship unfolds, and how other families have coped with the unexpected."  A useful resource book for the lifetime of an open adoption relationship.

For Prospective and Adoptive Families

In this groundbreaking book, the authors used the eight stages of Erik Erikson's psychosocial theory of development as a framework to explore the unique set of issues that adoptees face from infancy through late adulthood.  They identify six organizing themes to discuss adoptees' development on the "path to psychological maturity:" the experience of adoption from the adoptees' eyes, a developmental perspective, normality, individuality, the search for self and the sense of loss.

This comprehensive book addresses the needs of each member of a blended adoptive family: the typically developing children already in the family, the children with complex trauma who join the family, and the parents.  Arleta James offers guidance from the beginning of the adoption process, when parents first begin to consider adding to their families, through the adoption itself, and all the way through the family's post-adoptive lifetime. Go

Published by the National Council for Single Adoptive Parents, this books is divided into six sections: the mechanics of adoption, managing single parenthood, coping with challenges, personal adoption experiences, frequently asked questions, and research studies whose results demonstrate the success of single parent adoption.  A practical and informative guide for singles who are in the process of considering adoption as well as for those who are actively parenting adopted children.

A poignant volume of letters written by young women living at Ae Ran Won, a home for unwed mothers in Seoul, Korea.  These women had all chosen an adoption plan and each wrote a letter to her child as part of their counseling sessions.  Rich with emotions, these letters can help adoptive parents understand the difficult decisions made by these birth mothers.  Cultural and historical context is provided in the introduction by Ae Ran Won's director, a forward by two adoption social workers, and the editor's notes.

The authors use their professional expertise as founders of PACT, An Adoption Alliance, and their personal experiences as transracial adoptive parents to underscore the message that race matters.  They offer guidance to people considering transracial adoption as well as practical strategies to those already parenting, addressing issues of racial identity, cultural identity, and most importantly, building a family's common identity and purpose: a close and loving family who belong together.

Whether you are trying to decide if an older child adoption is right for you or you are already parenting an older adoptee, this book provides practical, real-life information about the emotional, behavioral, school and medical issues as well as addressing the challenges experienced when parenting this special group of children.  Maskew integrates information from adoption professionals, adult adoptees, and adoptive parents - including herself - in this informative, readable, "parent-to-parent" guide.

Melina, an adoption professional and adoptive parent, provides a highly readable and comprehensive resource "intended as both a look at life in the adoptive family as well as an ongoing source of information - a book that parents will pick up again and again as their family progresses from adjustment to attachment to adolescence into adulthood."  Includes information on open adoption, international adoption and transracial adoption.  Also an excellent resource for professionals working with adoptive families.

Dorris, an anthropologist and author, writes movingly about the joys and challenges of parenting while struggling to understand and then cope with the significant impact of the birthmother's prenatal alcohol use on his adopted son's development.  Part family memoir, part public health history, Dorris also chronicles his interactions with a range of professionals as he investigates what was known about fetal alcohol syndrome (FAS) approximately 15 years after the syndrome was first labeled by the medical community.

Effectively combining adoptive parents personal narratives, case examples based on parent interviews, and "thoughts from an expert," the authors provide a helpful, pro-adoption perspective on a topic not often addressed.  Using the framework of "expectations" - of yourself as a parent, of your child and of others - they examine factors that might contribute to emotional challenges that sometimes occur during the transition period after bringing a child home through domestic, international or kinship adoption.

For Children

The adoption process told from an older infant's perspective.  The familiarity and comfort of the known routine in the orphanage is disrupted by the arrival of strangers, causing Borya to feel "confused and a little scared" when introduced to his mama and papa.  His story continues as they go before the judge and then fly home where he settles into his new life and routine with his parents.  Works well to start the conversation about life before adoption for any internationally adopted child who lived in an orphanage.  Ages 3-8. Go

A simply written book from the perspective of a young African -American adoptee being raised in a Caucasian family.  They actively support and celebrate their interest - and need - in identifying the color brown in everything around her.  For example, she and her older brother Matt ride on his brown motorcycle to find things that are brown in the wider world and she ends with, "I am strong brown."  Visually interesting illustrations that are a blend of photographs and drawings that should appeal to young children.  Ages 3-7.

Expectations and reality initially collide in this early chapter book about a family who adopts an older child from foster care.  As 4-year-old Max makes the transition to his adoptive home, older sister Emma experiences mixed emotions when he doesn't accept her as an instant sibling and they both go through a period of adjustment.  Parents could use this book to stimulate conversation with children already in the family as part of the preparation process for an older child adoption, either domestic or international.  Ages 5-10.

Six-year-old Nico is the younger of two girls adopted as babies from Korea.  She happily tells the reader about herself, her family and friends before focusing on her experiences and feelings about looking different from her parents who both have "blue eyes and wavy hair."  After talking to her mother, who tells her there are different kinds of families "who are glued together with a special kind of glue called love," Nico identifies 9 different family patterns and concludes that she is "just life everyone else...I'm different!"  Ages 4-8.

Although this classic was originally published when most adoptions were still closed, the feelings, experiences and opinions about growing up adopted are timeless.  Nineteen adoptees, ranging in age from 8-16, were interviewed - and beautifully photographed - and their stories are presented here in their own words.  While preteens and teens can, and may prefer to, read this on their own, reading it together may generate questions and open up family discussions.  Ages 10 and up.

Ying Ying, an 8-year-old adoptee, gives us a unique view of orphanage life when she visits the orphanage where she spent her first months of life.  She reunites with her caregiver and spends time with the babies, toddlers and school age children including some with special needs.  This straightforward positive text is based on interviews, audio and videotapes, and Ying Ying's own journal.  A wonderful resource for families to talk about adoption, birthparents, orphanage life and those children left behind.  Ages 8-12.

Mr. Rogers, whose own family included a sister who was adopted when he was 11, uses simple language and photographs of three different adoptive families involved in activities at home and in the community to explore themes of belonging in a family.  He presents different feelings that come up in all families, whether formed through birth or adoption, as well as the importance of talking, playing and asking questions about adoption.

Faced with a family tree assignment, Lucy, adopted in Mexico as a baby, initially rejects the project, thinking her family is "too different."  The story follows Lucy's process as she realizes there are few "traditional" families and comes up with a tree that honors her family story and cultural heritage.  Themes of identity, privacy, and family diversity make this a great book for families and teachers with its emphasis on open communication and problem solving.  An endnote has alternative assignments inclusive of family diversity.  Ages 8-12.

A positive story of open adoption, capturing the emotions of the birth family and the adoptive family.  An expectant mother explains her adoption plan to her 5-year-old daughter and responds to her concerns over the course of the pregnancy.  From meeting the prospective parents, to each family going home after the baby's birth and their subsequent contacts, it speaks realistically to the continuity of the relationship between the two families.  Wonderful for siblings of children placed for adoption and for adoptive families.  Ages 5-10. Go

Each page of this engaging family story is filled with humorous real-life details and a specific prompt from a little girl to her parents to tell about each step on that clearly memorable night she was born.  From being awakened by the phone call through their flights and first view of their new baby through the nursery window, to first bottles, diaper changes, an introduction to baseball and lullabies, this real-life story about one family's "first night as a family" may just help launch the story of your own family's beginnings.  Ages 2-8.

Illustrated in soft pastel drawings, this is a good introduction to adoption for the very youngest children.  Using simple language, it tells about the excitement of two parents as they prepare to bring home their new baby, gathering the things that are needed to keep the baby safe, fed, dry and warm.  An afterward by Lois Melina provides information about additional details to be added to a family's story as a child's ability to understand adoption grows.  Ages 2-5.

Using bright colors and simple, playful illustrations, Todd Parr celebrates the differences among families as well as how all families are alike.  Adopted, step, single parent, two moms and two dads, as well as traditional families large and small are all represented.  Positively conveys the message that "there are lots of different ways to be a family.  Your family is special no matter what kind it is."  This should be a welcome addition in all family and school libraries.  Ages 2-7.

Told from the perspective of a young internationally adopted girl and incorporating aspects of her current day-to-day life and relationships with her parents, Ada expresses thoughts and considers questions about her adoption through where and how she was given each of her names: by her adoptive parents, by the orphanage nannies and her original name, "whispered to me by my first mother, when I was born.  It's someplace in my heart."  Thoughtful and beautifully illustrated.  Ages 8-11.

This workbook for adopted children and their families provides a guide to responding to real world questions and comments about their adoption, from the benignly curious to the insensitive and intrusive.  Based on the principles that children can be the expert about their own adoption and can learn to think about who is asking the question and why, as well as how it makes them feel, they can make a choice in how they respond: W=Walk Away, I="It's Private," S=Share Something, E=Education others.  Empowering.  Ages 6-teens.

For Birth Parents and Adult Adoptees

In this groundbreaking book, the authors used the eight stages of Erik Erikson's psychosocial theory of development as a framework to explore the unique set of issues that adoptees face from infancy through late adulthood.  They identify six organizing themes to discuss adoptees' development on the "path to psychological maturity:" the experience of adoption through the adoptees' eyes, a developmental perspective, normality, individuality, the search for self and the sense of loss.

Author and filmmaker, Strauss writes a moving and engaging memoir of the persistent journey she took to complete her own family tree.  Beginning in childhood within the strong bonds of her (adoptive) family, through marriage and parenthood, to the search, reunion and negotiation of relationships with her extended birth family, Strauss presents a multi-generational, genealogical exploration into her own history and ultimately expands her definition of family.

Written by a birthmother who placed her son in an open adoption at birth, this pamphlet helps birthparents define their loss and understand the stages of the grieving process, as well as what the steps are toward healing. Go

Strauss weaves the story of her own search and reunion into this practical and insightful book.  Incorporating the stories of many interviewees, she presents the variety of perspectives and emotions that may be experienced by each member of the triad before, during and after a search and reunion.  In addition, she includes an important chapter on "The Fourth Side of the Triangle," addressing the thoughts and feelings of other family members whose lives are impacted by search and reunion.

Saffian writes about her own experience of growing up in a loving adoptive family, and of entering into reunion with her birthfamily as an adult.  Beginning with an unexpected call from her birthmother, she provides intimate details about her thoughts, feelings, and the experiences that eventually lead from this phone call to a visit with her birthfamily three year later.  As she recounts her process of slowly and cautiously getting to know her birthfamily, Saffian contemplates ideas about family, identity and adoption.

Franklin, an Honorary Director of the Spence-Chapin Board, is a birthmother who placed her child for adoption in the 1960s.  She uses her own story as well as the narrative voices of other birthparents, adoptees and adoptive parents to explore the complex emotional experiences of adoption.  Strongly advocates for open adoption records to facilitate the search and reunion process.

Ann Fessler's book details the social history of adoption in the 1950s and 1960s, told through the perspective of the birth mothers who placed their children for adoption during this era.  Fessler's extensive research and interviews with over 100 birthmothers reveals how the social pressures of that time period deeply impacted the lives of these women and the children they placed for adoption.  An adoptee herself, Fessler also shares her own experience of searching for and eventually meeting her birthmother.

Lifton, adoptee, adoption therapist and adoption reform advocate, wrote this deeply personal and literary memoir, the first in a trilogy, on what it means to be adopted.  She explores the intertwined lines of fact and fiction in her own life story, including her own experience of her adoptive family dynamics in the context of secrets and lies, the impact of her fantasies about her birthparents on her development and, as an adult, the complexity of reunion with her birthmother.  Essentially a story about the search for self.

For Professionals

A classic which focuses on the child's experience of being placed in a new foster or adoptive family using a mix of theory, practical strategies, exercises, and case examples.  Includes chapters on Attachment, Child Development, Separation and Loss, Minimizing the Trauma of Moves, Case Planning, Behavior Problems, and Direct Work with Children. Go

This comprehensive book has chapters contributed by parents, adoption professionals, and students themselves.  In addition to sections on "Adoption 101," effective parent-teacher communication, and problematic assignments, there is also information on older children first entering school, special education challenges, and transcultural issues.  Readers will come away with a deeper understanding of the interrelationships between knowledge and attitudes about adoption and a child's experience in school.

This easy-to-read guide is perfect for parents to give to their children's teachers.  Educates teachers about adoption issues and contains practical information on supporting adopted children at school.  Includes sections on positive adoption language, curriculum issues, and how to respond to those sometimes awkward questions or casual comments about adoption. Go

In this groundbreaking book, the authors used the eight stages of Erik Erikson's psychosocial theory of development as a framework to explore the unique set of issues that adoptees face from infancy through late adulthood.  They identify six organizing themes to discuss adoptees' development on the "path to psychosocial maturity:" the experience of adoption through the adoptees' eyes, a developmental perspective, normality, individuality, the search for self and the sense of loss.

Based on the premise that "adoption is a highly significant emotional event in the psychological development of teens," this book is a valuable resource for parents and therapists.  Rich in illustrative case examples, the authors provide models for clinical assessment, psychoeducational intervention with parents, and individual psychotherapy and group therapy for teens.  Discussion of the six most common adoption related issues or "stuck spots" is especially useful for assessment and treatment planning.

This comprehensive book addresses the needs of each member of a blended adoptive family: the typically developing children already in the family, the children with complex trauma who join the family, and the parents.  Arleta James offers guidance from the beginning of the adoption process, when parents first begin to consider adding tot heir family, through the adoption itself, and all the way through the family's post-adoptive lifetime. Go

Meese, a special education professor and adoptive parent, reviews the literature and presents what has been learned about children whose early lives were spent in institutionalized settings (in Russia, Romania and China) and the issues which typically arise when they first enter school after adoption.  Focusing on learning, behavior, language development, and emotional functioning, Meese provides guidelines and strategies as well as information on accessing special education services if needed.

Based on results from the Minnesota-Texas Adoption Research Project, a nationwide longitudinal study of adoptive and birth families, this book comprehensively reviews open adoption issues and the "lifelong process of evolving relationships."  Presents a rich discussion of the implications for adoption practice and future research.

The 12 chapters that comprise this valuable resource represent the latest in cross-national research on current trends in adoption practice with a focus on risk factors, resilience and psychological outcome.  Among other topics, research is presented on transracial and transcultural adoptions, older child, and special needs adoptions.  Of particular significance is a study by Brodzinsky identifying the important distinction between structural openness and communicative openness in children's adjustment to adoption.

Organized around 5 principles: Acceptance, Accuracy, Assignments, Assistance and Advocacy, this manual provides a foundation for creating positive adoption environments in school.  Includes information on how adoption is understood by adopted children and their non-adopted peers at different ages as well as the educational and emotional issues that may be seen in some adopted children.  Real-life examples of what students may be saying and how teachers can respond to support children and parents.

Additional Adoption Resources

A resource for families before, during, and after adoption.  Includes monthly book reviews. Go

PACT has an extensive selection of books, especially for children and families of color. Go

The Infertility and Adoption Publisher Go