“I didn't want to keep the baby because I was 16 when I got pregnant. I couldn't possibly have a baby. I wouldn't want something like that.” Amanda said. “I didn't have an abortion because I'm Catholic and I don't believe in that.”

Finding out she was pregnant, Amanda said: “Was very upsetting. It was such a shock. I couldn't believe it. Before I got pregnant there were little things that could have been such humongous problems. Then, after that, it just showed me how intense things could be. It was a really big deal.”

Amanda was fortunate to have love and encouragement during this difficult time: “I told my mom when I thought I was pregnant, because my period was late. I knew. I knew before I even took the test. She was really supportive and my boyfriend was supportive.” Additionally, her mother home-schooled her during the pregnancy.

Amanda was in North Carolina when she found out she was pregnant. “For the first six months I was all by myself. Then I moved to Long Island when I was about seven months pregnant. That's when things started to get better. I met Ellen DeWeerdt and everything.”

As soon as Amanda approached Spence-Chapin, she found her social worker, Ellen, to be very helpful: “She called me. And we talked for a little bit. And she came out and saw me. She would come to my house once a week. And we would talk on the phone quite often.”

Amanda wanted an open adoption, with a family that had a similar ethnic makeup to the baby: “I gave Ellen what I was looking for and she brought over photo albums of people. I was looking for an Asian and white family, because my boyfriend is Asian — and someone that lived close. Ellen brought me information about a family that was Asian and white and lived right in New York City. It was just perfect.”

“When I'd call Ellen at Spence-Chapin she'd talk to me as long as I wanted. Ellen was like an angel through all this."

“She was born on a Tuesday and we did [the surrender] the next Monday. We all met in the city. The family came to visit me while I was in the hospital. While I was in the hospital it was all nice until she had to go. When she was there, it was wonderful. It was totally worth it. She's just the sweetest thing in the world.”

As part of her open adoption, Amanda and her boyfriend are developing a personal relationship with Anna: “When it's me and her, that's it, it's just me and her. No one else is in the room. She's so wonderful. She's going to be eight months old on the 6th. I call her Madeline. But their name for her is Anna. I've seen her twice since she was born. We get to see her three times a year. I get pictures and letters. I can write to them or call them whenever I want. And they're pretty good about it.”

Amanda expects a new batch of pictures any day. “The people that I picked are fantastic. I met them three times before she was born. On Mother's Day they sent me chocolate. They're really nice.”

Adjusting to life after surrendering Anna, “In the beginning, it was awful. And I really thought I would never be happy again because I missed her so much. When I get upset I start to think of her and I think if I could just be with her it would be ok. So it comes and it goes. Most of the time, it's good. When I think about her I'm happy.”

Since the surrender, Amanda has returned to school and still talks to her social worker, Ellen on occasion: “I feel like a normal kid again. It's wonderful to be back. It's my senior year. I feel better that I made the right choice. It annoys me a little bit how grown up I feel now. I don't get to have as much fun, because I'm always worrying about stuff. I know I did the right thing, so that makes me feel better. I know everything is going to go well and I'll get to go to college. I'm thinking of studying photojournalism. I really like to take pictures and I like to write.”